


such sweet sorrow

by suneye



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Goodbyes, Letters, Post-Episode: s03e22 All Good Things...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 18:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20451377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suneye/pseuds/suneye
Summary: she writes eight letters.





	such sweet sorrow

**I. JACE**

_ Dear Jace, _

_ By the time you read this letter, my memories of you and the Shadow World will be gone. _

_ It was the price the angels made me pay for the runes I’ve created. _

_ It seems strange - and a bit cruel - that after everything you and I have been together, this is how we end. With me a mundane again and you reading a letter stained with tears I won’t remember crying. _

_ But I have no regrets. These have been some of the best times of my life because of the people I was lucky enough to share them with. Because of you. You _ _were right to think I loved you unconditionally. I do. And I always will. No angel or demon could ever change that._

_ And even if I don’t remember you, you will always be in my heart. _

_ Love, _

_Clary_

* * *

**II. SIMON**

_ Dear Simon, _

_ This is really hard to say. I think it’s especially hard to say it to you, but I owe you an explanation. Well, I owe you much more than that, but this is all I can give you for now: when I created that rune today, to stop Jonathan, I made Raziel angry. So by the time you read this, I’m not going to know you’re a daylighter. I’m going to think you’re dead. _

_ The hardest thing to come to terms with these past few hours has been the fact that I will never see you again. I can’t imagine my world without you, Simon Lewis. That can’t possibly be real. Life without you is just a horrible nightmare. But I’m going to have to face that nightmare soon, and I won’t be able to wake up. I’m just sorry that you’re going to lose a friend, too. _

_ Please don’t do anything stupid like come looking for me or try to change this. You can’t change this. I’ve made my choice and I would make it again. Because this sucks. This really fucking sucks and I don’t think I’ve been in this much pain since my mom died but at least this time there is a point to all this pain: I saved people. I saved _you_. I’d give up anything to keep you safe. I wish I didn’t have to break your heart to do it, but I can’t change that, either. _

_ I love you. I’m going to miss you. I wish we had more time. _

_ Love, _

_ Your Clary, always _

* * *

**III. ISABELLE**

_ Dearest Isabelle, _

_ I scrapped so many drafts of this letter. I don’t know where to begin in telling you what you mean to me. Asking you to be my parabatai was supposed to be my way of telling you how much I love you and how you make me better. A better Shadowhunter, a better friend, a better person overall. _

_ But that’s no longer a possibility, seeing as by the end of the night, I won’t remember you or this life. Apparently Raziel doesn’t approve of my rune mixing angel and demon blood. _

_ I know. I want to be angry too. But I killed my brother this morning and my runes are already disappearing. There isn’t a lot of fight left in me. _

_ Give ‘em hell on my behalf, won’t you? _

_ I should end this letter now, before I go off on tangent after tangent and run out of time and realize I haven’t written to anyone else. But before I do, I just want to thank you for being the kindest, strongest, most amazing woman in the world. I’m very sorry that I will never get to call you my parabatai, but I know that in some way, our souls are already bound together. _

_ Love, _

_ Clary _

* * *

**IV. MAGNUS**

_ Dear Magnus, _

_ A part of me wanted to write this letter and give it to you before anyone else’s. Before anything became permanent. I wanted you to run after and me and tell me that we can fix this, you and me. Point out a loophole, help me come up with a solution, help me do _something_. But there is nothing either of us can do this time around. Which is why I really hope you didn’t find this until after your honeymoon. _

_ At times, I think you know me better than I know myself, so I doubt there is anything I can say that you don’t already know. But let me just say: thank you. For everything. I couldn’t have done any of it without you. _

_ With love, _

_ Biscuit _

* * *

**V. ALEC**

_ Dear Alec, _

_ If a couple months ago someone told me that I would be tearfully writing a goodbye letter to Alec Lightwood of all people on his wedding day, I would’ve laughed in their face. But that’s exactly what I’m doing right now, so I guess you were right: nothing in this world is impossible. _

_ All jokes aside, I’m proud of how far we’ve come, both in our weird relationship and as individuals. During my time in the Shadow World, I’ve managed to build a whole new family, and you’re undoubtedly a part of that. You’ve been more like a big brother to me than my own could ever be. _

_ I hope you and Magnus live a long and happy life together (by the way, congratulations! I can't think of a more perfect couple.) and I hope you don’t miss me driving you crazy _too_ much. And I really hope I don’t forget the things I’ve learned from you all. _

_ Love, _

_ Clary _

* * *

**VI. MAIA**

_ Dear Maia, _

_ It seemed plain wrong to write to everyone but you. Truthfully, I don’t even know if you still kinda-sorta like me, or if Luke leaving the pack and you and Simon breaking up means you and I can’t be on good terms anymore. But I hope that’s not the case, because I really like you, and I don’t want you to think I’m an idiot for writing a heartfelt farewell letter to someone who hates my guts. _

_ On the off-chance that you do, in fact, still like me, here is my heartfelt farewell letter: _

_ I don’t know if the others told you, or if you even want to hear, but tonight is my last night in the Shadow World. By tomorrow, I won’t remember any of this, and I won’t remember any of you. _

_ I wish you were going to be at Magnus and Alec’s wedding so we could use some of my borrowed time to get to know each other. I know it sounds like a waste, because I’m going to forget anyway, but I don’t see it that way. I mean, isn’t everyone living on borrowed time in one way or another? I wish I could use mine to do everything I’ve been putting off and get to know everyone I haven’t had a chance to. _

_ Sorry, I’m probably being a little weird and depressing. I initially started writing this to tell you that I wish we’d hung out more, yes, but mostly to say I heard you were alpha now, and that’s how I know the New York pack is going to be just fine, and I’m more than a little disappointed that I won’t be around to see just how amazing you’re going to be. _

_ (Also, Simon’s an idiot for letting you go.) _

_ Sincerely (hoping this wasn’t too weird), _

_ Clary _

* * *

**VII. MARYSE**

_ Dear Maryse, _

_ I’ve recounted this in too many letters tonight, and every time I bring it up or think about it my heart hurts, but here goes: tonight, Raziel is going to take my memories and my powers. I’m going to just be Clary Fray again, and I’m not even going to know what I’ve lost. _

_ But that’s not why I’m writing to you. I’m writing to ask you to give Luke's letter to him when he gets back, and to _ _say that I’m happy you’re in Luke’s life, and that you were in my life, however briefly. I’ll admit I didn’t like you very much when we first met, but seeing how much you’ve changed and how much Izzy and Alec and Jace and Luke and Magnus love you has certainly changed that. I wish the two of us had the chance to get to know each other, too. _

_ Especially because right now, I could really use a mom. _

_ -Clary _

* * *

**VIII. LUKE**

_ Dad, _

_ I’m sure the others have already told you what’s happened, so I won’t waste ink and precious time going into details. I’ll just say what I need to say. The important things. Which are these: I love you more than I could possibly ever say, I want you to be happy, and you should grow your beard back. _

_ And this: I don’t know what’s going to happen now. _

_ It’s only to you that I can admit just how scared I am, just how badly I wish this wasn’t happening. I don’t want to break your heart any more than I already have but I don’t think I could have said (or written) this to anyone else. And I needed to say it to _someone_. I'm no stranger to going blindly into dark, dangerous adventures, but I still hate doing it alone. _

_ Selfishly, I hope to see you again. I don’t know if I will even remember you in a few hours (I don’t see how I could ever forget you, but the angels have their ways, I suppose), but I can’t imagine a life without you. You have always kept me grounded in this crazy, messed-up life every day since before I can remember, and even if I’m a whole different person tomorrow, that won’t change, and neither will my love for you._

_ But, anyways, I didn’t mean to make this letter so depressing. All I want to say is that I love you, and I’m going to be okay, somehow, so please just live your best life and be happy, because you deserve it. _

_ And maybe be a little proud of me? I’m trying very hard not to let anyone down today. _

_ Love, _

_ Clary _

* * *

**IX. UNWRITTEN**

_ Dear Clary, _

_ You’re going to be okay. _


End file.
